Via Tribunali (Review)

You might know Via Tribunali as that pizza place across the street from Voodoo Doughnut, but it is much more than that. It is the most geologically sound replication of the eating conditions of bats available outside of an actual cave. As a feat of scientific engineering, it's astounding. Born out of a 1965 CIA research laboratory designed for testing human beings' ability to consume food in low light conditions, Via Tribunali has grown into a nationwide chain with locations in Portland, Seattle and New York. How did they achieve such success? By skimping on light bulbs.

I'll elaborate after the jump.



In case you missed it underneath that fortified bunker of sarcasm that was the opening paragraph, Via Tribunali is dark. Really dark, if you're on the balcony. The desire for romantic lighting is one thing, but come on guys. Any time someone in your party cracks a joke about going to the car for a flashlight, and everyone at the table legitimately considers it, you know there's a problem. In danger of sounding like an old coot, it is almost a deal-breaker. If it had been too loud, it might have applied for an AARP membership upon leaving.

The guy next to us was really obnoxious, but that'll happen.

Once you get over the fact that you won't actually be able to see what you're eating, you can actually get down to eating it. Luckily for Tribunali, food, not lightbulb maintenance, is the criterion for our assessment of restaurants.

I say luckily not necessarily because Via Tribunali's pizza is particularly noteworthy, but because it is better than their mood lighting. The pizza is serviceable; about what you'd find at your standard pizza napoletan joint. It's definitely edible, but the dough is thick and dense, lacking the requisite fluffy airiness that makes a great slice.

Also in Tribunali's favor is it's location. You could do dinner, drinks and dessert within 20 feet of it's doorstep, with Voodoo across the street and bars like Shanghai Tunnel and Valentine's right down the block. If Berbati's was still there, you could've fit in a show.

If you absolutely want to spend 14 to 18 dollars on a pizza, and can't make it across the river to Ken's Artisan, Via Tribunali with it's cool touches like a meat slicer and wood fire oven proudly on display at the end of the bar, would make a great date spot. Just don't plan on any eye contact without asking for extra candles.

Via Tribunali's website.

6/10