What the hell is wrong with Los Angeles?

We find out when:

Los Angeles has a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, that place is the corner of the heart reserved for scorned ex-girlfriends and particularly nasty chunks of cholesterol. I spent a year of my life there, and during that time, developed a hatred far beyond acceptable levels for a geographic region. I could wax poetic about my loathing of this abysmal place, but it would, sadly, be entirely unnecessary, as The Decemberists pretty much nailed it when they called Los Angeles "the ocean's garbled vomit on the shore."

Los Angeles, I'm yours.

PIRATES! (The new masters of quality control.)

Avast ye! This torrent of The Green Lantern was an .mov and thar be no Quicktime in these parts!

A new study has been making the rounds across the interwebs which states that the advent of copyright piracy dens the Pirate Bay and torrent clients like BitTorrent have had no effect on Hollywood's box office receipts. Unfortunately, this study has been falsely hailed as the definitive assuagement of the internet's collective guilt over illegal downloads.

Shit the Internet needs to stop making.

Courtesy of xkcd - The best webcomic.

The internet has produced a great many things. In sparking everything from social revolutions to complete government overhauls, the vast network of people has already proven its worth ten times over. In order to get to the worthy stuff, though, one must sledge through a wasteland of content that can best be described as fucking terrible.

And you don't have to worry. Cat-related content is left off this list because of its glaringly obvious unnecessity.

Carpe Sodium - Part 1: "The First 20 Minutes"

Ultimate Salt Presents: 

Carpe Sodium

An advice column by Alexander Pence

TODAY'S LESSON:

The First 20 Minutes or: The First Step Out of the Friendzone

     Confidence goes a long way. Looks, smarts, athleticism, and money are all good, but if you don't act like you have it; you basically don't.

However, there is a fine line of being tactful and tactless. Show your strengths and hide your weaknesses, because most girls make the decision about your placement in the friendzone within the first 20 minutes of meeting you. 

Why Do Girls Like Flowers?

Despite a valiant push by Christmas in recent years, Valentine's Day remains everyone's favorite made up holiday. While it lacks Christmas's genius capitalistic hook (you buy people stuff, for Jesus), Valentine's Day is particularly despicable because it uses humans' one fatal flaw against them: Love. War and hatred may seem the most damning flaws in the human condition, but there is nothing more irrational or  more dangerous than a man, driven by the blinding chemical reaction we call love, to impress the object of his affections.

Valentine's Day takes love, that drive that has ruined so many great people, and puts it to the test. How much do you love someone? You had best get the correct number of chocolates, or else you'll suffer a humiliating defeat of being unable to correctly express your love through capital. While love punishes universally and indiscriminately, the encumbrance of Saint Valentine's great test falls solely on the male gender.

Due to Valentine's Day's dubious historical precedent, the reasoning behind the male's duties in preparation for February 14th remains murky at best. Regardless, any man unfortunate enough to find himself in a relationship in a week's time will be faced with the prospect of purchasing a bundle of the most manifestly incomprehensible gift imaginable: Flowers.

Experiments in Infusion part 2

The last time we attempted to infuse liquor we wound up with delicious peppermint vanilla martinis and horrible hangovers.

We should have learned out lesson.

Ultimate Salt Presents: The Science of Hipsterdom

An Ultimate Salt Original

A Photo Essay

by

Robert Hribernick

Over the past six months, we have undertaken several attempts at infusing vodka. What follows is the photographic documentation of our most recent attempt. As I can still see the words I am typing, and still have fingers with which I can type them, it is safe to say that our efforts were met with rousing success.