Backstage Bar

Warning: Your vision should be at least this blurry before attempting food consumption at any McMenamins.

Architecturally speaking, Backstage Bar is easily the most jaw-dropping space in the Portland bar scene. It's immense verticality easily stiff-arms the skyline views from rooftop lounges like Departure and Noble Rot, which are probably its closest competition. The incredibly high ceiling makes for a stunning first impression, and the massive tapestries that it affords the walls make closer inspection equally rewarding.

Just don't inspect closely enough to see anything that's on the menu.

St. Jack

Portland, Oregon - 8:54 am - Monday. February 27, 2012.

As I nervously paced back and forth down SE 21st between Division and Clinton, anxiously checking my phone every two minutes to see if time had reached the 9 am unlocking of St. Jack, I began to wonder if one of the stars of South East Portland's hipster resurgence, St. Jack's Patisserie, was paying tribute to the crackheads and car boosters who roamed these very streets less than two decades ago by slowly unveiling their fresh-baked caneles and pan du chocolat behind a firmly locked door, causing my head to bubble with thoughts of kicking in that door and screaming, in my most crack-addled voice, "BITCH I NEED THAT CROISSANT!"

Portland's Love Affair With Masochism

I should know better than to root for the single most-slighted small market team in an already biased league (See: Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals). And I should probably know better than to hinge my well being and sanity on the successes of a group of men who likely have growth disorders. But I don’t, which is really more of a testament to how few prospects I have at the moment, but such is life when you’re a woefully underemployed single dude trying to make it honest.

Compelling Reasons Greg Oden Should Smile More

We need to talk about Greg Oden, and his trademark unsmiling disposition. Not only because its irks me to no end, but more importantly because it threatens to undermine the already tenuous suspension of disbelief required of any rational human being before said being can derive any pleasure whatsoever from watching a professional sport.

Via Tribunali (Review)

You might know Via Tribunali as that pizza place across the street from Voodoo Doughnut, but it is much more than that. It is the most geologically sound replication of the eating conditions of bats available outside of an actual cave. As a feat of scientific engineering, it's astounding. Born out of a 1965 CIA research laboratory designed for testing human beings' ability to consume food in low light conditions, Via Tribunali has grown into a nationwide chain with locations in Portland, Seattle and New York. How did they achieve such success? By skimping on light bulbs.

I'll elaborate after the jump.

The Triple Nickel Pub (Review)

This dive spot is one of those places we love like our drunk selves love Crunch Wrap Supremes at 3 am, or better yet like our inner angsty tween loves some Third Eye Blind every now and then, i.e., our attendance is more of a compulsion than a choice. If we’re being totally honest here, its virtues are few and far between, but you’d be hard pressed to find a cheaper drunk, that is if getting a little sauced happens to be your thing like it is ours/mine.

I wouldn’t send anyone here for an impeccably-mixed cocktail, they may well make them mind you, but, as I’m a sucker for three dollar and fifty scent triple shots of Old Crow, I’ve no frame of reference for that stuff. I do know a thing or two about getting slizzered beyond comprehension for under ten dollars, though. You’ll not find more bang for your buck anywhere in the city. Bet. ­­

PIFF Lineup Released - The Highlights

The Portland International Film Festival has released the list of films showing at its 35th iteration. Mixed among the typically impenetrable or lethargic independent fare are some true standouts that merit a ticket.

Hit the jump for the list:

Attention All Trill Ass N****s, Three 6 Mafia To Play Portland Friday 27 January 2012

Yes, that's right. If you weren't already tipped off by the recent rash of pharmacy robberies, Academy Award winning, American hip hop group Three 6 Mafia are, in fact, Rose City bound.

In what is sure to be Portland's most 'throwed' show in recent memory, the group that once ate so many shrimp, they got iodine poisoning (swag) is poised to soundtrack a night of syrup-laden debauchery the likes of which we haven't seen since... well, since the last time Three 6 Mafia came to town. Those of you stockpiling promethazine-codeine for a rainy day, this is your moment, provided it's not expired like our bottle. You had better hightail it to the corner store before they sell out Sprite and Jolly Ranchers though.

Tickets are available here.

Now, for your listening pleasure, we present to you, the official music video for Three 6 Mafia's 'Sippin on Some Syrup'. Enjoy.

Spirit of 77 (review)

The Portland Trail Blazers last won an NBA Championship in 1977.

Interestingly enough, 1977 was also the last time anyone wanted to go to a sports bar. There is something intrinsically repulsive about a building full of people placing the well-being of their mental state in the hands of large men playing childrens' games, blindly glued to the disgusting Americana of an endless array of television sets. The Spirit of 77 aims to change all that. And for the most part, they're largely successful thanks to some incredible design work and a splash of Fooseball.

The world's most poorly acronymed film festival is back (PIFF 2012)

The Portland International Film Festival. Sounds good on paper, but then you get to the acronyming (which is a verb now, by the way) and things fall apart. PIFF just doesn't quite work. Whether it brings to mind a certain brand of superior cannabis or a mixtape upload site almost certainly named for said superior cannabis, PIFF is definitely not the way to go when it comes to accruing prestige.

Regardless of its acronym, the Portland International Film Festival has always brought it, as it were, with the lineup of unreleased international films, and it's back to make dismal Portland February bearable once again. It goes from February 9th to the 25th, and is housed in theaters primarily around downtown Portland.

How does a great summer spot fair in winter? (Violetta Review)

The experience of pensively sipping a machiato at a sidewalk cafe while an entire city flows past you is a distinctively European one. In the United States sidewalks are narrow, people are in a hurry, and the city flowing past tends to be considerably less picturesque than European counterpoints, forcing outdoor seating areas to be crammed into a fenced-in backlot, if they exist at all.

Enso Winery

When a term like urban winery gets dropped, my first though is always of some ultra-hip, too-cool-for-you wine bar with a couple barrels in the back. My second thought is of a marketing director attempting political correctness when confronted by a winery run by a rap crew.

Tåbor Food Cart (Review)

Any time the term "eatery" is used, I'm generally pretty happy. 

Portland, Oregon is unquestionably on the forefront of mobile food preparation and consumption technology thanks to its occasionally overwhelming food cart population. Among that population, Tåbor proudly represents the underrepresented Eastern European cuisine. Now you might be thinking Eastern European cuisine is underrepresented for a reason (ghoulash anyone?), the Czech Eatery compensates for this stigma by being on the forefront of meat-slab technology.